Addiction: (Another family members struggle: Anonymous)
Addiction if a family disease. Addiction afflicts some of our families, the majority of people live without being affected by drug addictions and alcoholism. It's a horrible struggle for some of us. We try so hard to help the alcoholic or the addicted individual. Sometimes the irresponsible behaviour of the individual is difficult to deal with. It's a sickness alcoholism and drug addiction. Some call it a disease. It's a difficult disease because for those of us who are not addicted we don't actually know the struggle from their perspective. I do know its about feelings. Never had learned how to express feelings and deal with difficulties in life and having had at the wrong time picked up a drink or a pill. Sometimes the pharmaceutical companies prescribe drugs.. and people become addicted. Either way it devistates the family more than the addict because we are the people who don't drink to squash the feelings of anger, sadness, rage and guilt.
We do everything we can to get the person to change, to see things our way. Ultimately it's the individuals right to decide what they wish to do. As long as the drug has them in their grips and as long as they are able to continue using without suffering the consequences of not living up to their responsibilities they will continue.
My choice now being clear minded. My choice being the person who's not on drugs and who can feel the pain of the devastation that drugs have upon the family. The banging on the window in the middle of the night to come in from the cold, the mental and sometimes physical abuse the follows drug addicts and alcoholics due the changes these chemicals have on their brains. The call from the hospital that they have been found unconscious and bleeding. they are entering an MIR to see the extent of the damage. The manipulation that I must have been a bad parent, I must have done something wrong. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
My struggles have been 10 years in the making to right the way of another individual. In the process I've lost my life my own financial freedom, security and safety net. I've lived under stress and constant drama created by another. They are young they will snap out of it.. etc... 24 years is not longer young,, but rather a young person. 1/4 through life already.
1. Stabbed in the heart (my alcoholic/addict) life or death surgery
2. Cut in the hand grabbing the knife from a person threatening suicide ( a result of the usual person dealing with an alcoholic, look what you are doing to me. Hoping they might stop and just not drink)
3. Attacked and stabbed in the face ( 50 stitches plus), a result of being intoxicated and unable to defend self a direct result of being intoxicated
4. Assault charges due to domestic assaults... poor partner choices, health gets healthy, unhealthy get unhealthy.
5. Blaming other for their plight, not seeking a way out, Manipulation to continue this horrible sickness
Trying to help an addict is like cutting grass. I can keep cutting the grass (trying to get behaviour to stop) and it just keeps coming back because I continue to fertilize it. How do I fertilize it? Enabling.
Enabling: Is not helping. help is doing something for someone who can't do it for themselves. Enabling prevents the alcoholic or addict from suffering the consequences of their situation. It also prevents us from living life. The life we deserve to live free from drama, or at least only the drama we might bring about for ourselves and not due to another s actions.
Selfishness and Self Centered:
I can't stand the pain I feel watching my loved one kill themselves with drugs. It could be a lifetime of substance abuse or a year of substance abuse I have a Chrystal ball, and some addicts do die. That's a fact. It happens all the time. Some addicts obtain recovery. We can't force them to seek help. I can stop fertilizing the grass and in turn have energy to look after my own responsibilities.
2. I can worry when they are out on the street, or not if they find a place to lay their head.
My Final Choice
To be discussed in the next addiction blog.. ..........worry or anger and regret